My Mom

My mom, Gramma Laurie to my boys, passed away last week. This text is part is a revised version of a speech that I was able to give at her Celebration of Life:

 We have been surrounded by our amazing family- my moms family- particularly her sister's Sherry and Sue, and their families. We are truly blessed to have such a large, warm, close-knit family, and I can describe about each member the ways that my mom’s light in them will still shine. I am grateful also to my mom's oldest friend, Trina, Burt's sister-in-law Engie, and Rod, who stood with us, and were there for mom, in the difficult final hours.  

It has been very difficult to accept what has transpired over the last few weeks. My mom barely had time to process her diagnosis, and was hopeful for recovery until we brought her home. It has been a difficult time for us, but I am really pained when I think about how difficult it was for her, how she wasn’t ready. Knowing she beat cancer the first time, I believe she thought she would win this battle, too. In the darkness of this time, though, there a few bright spots. At the end, she was spiritual and prayerful. She was constantly surrounded by people she loved. She kept a sense of humor. But most of all, I was honoured to bear witness to her unbelievable love for Burt. When she couldn’t muster the energy to respond to anyone else, she would turn her head and lift her face toward his kisses. After days of not moving, I saw her raise her arms one last time to embrace Burt, the absolute love of her life. She worried about him and how he would be if she were to go. Their love for each other is devoted and true, and I am glad I got to see the beauty of this love in my mom’s final days.

If mom heard me boo-hooing like this, she would no doubt bust into some inappropriate song, so in her honor, I will move into the celebrating of her life by starting off with these Oingo Boingo lyrics  from“No One Lives Forever”:

You worry too much / You make yourself sad
You can't change fate / But don't feel so bad
Enjoy it while you can / It's just like the weather
So quit complaining brother . . . . . . .
No one lives forever!!

 And the next line says, “Let’s have a party”, which is the one thing she really specified about her passing and talked about after her diagnosis.

She was the life of the party and really lived to party and for a good gag. Although she struggled more and more in the recent years with mobility, she relished Tuesday cocktails with her sisters, family parties, and time with friends. Over the last few years, we all saw how her health deteriorated, although unfortunately we did not know the extent of her health problems until very recently. In spite of her struggles, Her spirit of fun, and zest for life was always present. She still lived to party, at her 60^th Karaoke Bday, at Luke’s first communion on Mother’s Day, at Mia’s birth, at Jamie’s gigs- she always remained the life of the party. In her honor, every single one of you should hit the bar today. Consider bar hopping over to The Swallows, also, which was another favourite spot of mom’s. And if you’re not sure what to order, her signature cocktail was a dirty martini.

A real music lover, My Mom provided the Soundtrack to so much of my life. The Cars, dire straits, the beatles, Bruce- all of these, and so many more, remind me of my mom- always dancing, always singing, always blasting the tunes in her house and in her car. Just recently I was driving home with her after the birth of Lindsey’s baby Mia, and she kept cranking up Lady Gaga, and I, always more of the old lady, kept turning it down. Even in ICU over the last week, when she couldn’t verbally respond anymore, you could see her toe tapping to the beat of the music we played at her bedside.

She is the original “cool mom.” Whether she was picking me up from high school with the music blaring from her red convertible fiat, or hosting a sweet 16 party for me or one of my friends, Mom was cool. She took me to my first rock concert-Oingo Boingo. She welcomed our boyfriends openly into the house. My mom’s coolness never ceased with age. She was always asking me to burn her Lady Gaga or Black Eyed Peas or some other fun, upbeat piece of pop. She came to visit me at North High once, and she was so proud of my role as assistant principal, but not too proud to refrain from flirting with my dean of students... She did her typical, “Oh my, aren’t you cute!! What’s your name again? Oh MY!” And then of course, spent the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out how she could get him to date one of my sisters, who were single at the time.

Growing up, I didn’t have a curfew, nobody monitored my homework...My cool mom had only a few rules, and these have always stuck with me- don’t fail a class, don’t get pregnant, and don’t get arrested. These rules may seem odd, and like too few for kids. But what I like about these rules is that they acknowledge that we are going to make some mistakes along the way... She taught us to consider the consequences, and in the end the lesson for me learned was to be responsible, be careful, be smart, and be good... To some, her parenting may have seen permissive, but her parenting came from a place of trust and respect. Because she was close to us all, and involved in our lives, there was never much she didn’t know about the goings-on in our lives. She always prided herself on how we turned out, and I have kept countless letters from her affirming this. In one she said, “seeing you grow into such a happy, wonderful young woman let’s me know I did a good job in raising you.” And she absolutely did do a good job in raising me, and as a mom myself, I am grateful and humbled.

When I was fourteen, my mom and I got into a huge fight, and I remember screaming at her that she needed to choose- was she my friend or my mom? At 14, I thought I was so wise and that it should be very black and white. Later, and now, I know that my mom always wanted and tried to be both to me, and I feel so lucky that from an early age I had a mom who wanted to be such an active part of my life. Like everyone who has lost someone they love, I wish we had spent more time together. But I do cherish all the moments I have had with my mom. We vacationed together over the years, travelling Europe, cruising, camping in Kings Canyon or Bass Lake, taking a mother/daughter adventure to Solvang. We gabbed on the phone about our favorite soap opera, the Young and the Restless. She was there for me when I was a new mom, and of course, so many other times throughout my life. I am so glad that my mom was also my friend.

And there are things that I get from my mom- for instance, a lack of filter. I’m sure all of us have an insert foot story about my mom. This quality was usually humorous and certainly based on her desire to gab honestly and earnestly.  

Whenever I go to the grocery store and I’m walking up the aisles, or I am preparing a meal in my kitchen and I find myself talking to myself, “Where’s the milk, okay, where’s the egg...” That’s the Laurie in me.

Whenever I walk into a great home, full of life and light, with just the right touches of personality, I think “I wish my mom could see this.” That will never change.

Whenever I see the horoscopes in a daily newspaper, I will remember how she always read hers and ours, and how she would clip them for us on our birthday. And whenever I see hers, I will be sure to check to see if she is having a five star day.

 

Our relationship was not perfect. But I sure do miss her.

 

xoxo Mom.

 

Love, Amy